Why Can’t I Just Enjoy Things?

I was surprised to see myself often reflected in Pierre’s book, which is a chronicle of his autism diagnosis, and an explanation of the many facets of the condition. It’s worth saying that I am not a diagnosed autistic. My partner is, and I’ve taken a few of the tests online. We often identify many of the symptoms in my behaviours.

Pierre writes honestly about how autism has affected his whole life. He gives solid historical context including why we no longer say ‘Aspergers’ or recognise it as a diagnosis, and then goes on to give examples of the symptoms. With each he opens up about his own experience, big or small. For example, florescent lighting can be paralysing to some autistics, but this is not the case for him. The sound of cutlery on teeth, however, is a major issue. He continues to reinforce that each person with the condition experiences all of the facets in different ways, or possibly not at all. Since autism is so holistic, there are many character traits that may or may not be autism.

One of the many examples that resonated strongly with me was around Interoception. This is, simply, not being able to identify physical feelings. Pierre’s example is perfect: when you’re in a gym and the trainer asks “do you feel this exercise here” and your answer is: I don’t know, really. This was one of many times I was, in my head, pointing at the book yelling “THAT’S LIKE ME!” If nothing else, Pierre’s book teaches that seeing yourself represented in another’s experience of autism can be very powerful.

It’s worth saying the book is proofed by a doctor, but Pierre is not one. One of the many times my very educated partner had to hear me bang on about the book, I shared a fact about the number of autistics who are in employment. He pointed out that the statistic was about diagnosed autistic people in work, and so potentially misleading.

I really enjoyed Pierre’s account of his experiences, and my feelings ranged from “glad I’m not like that” to “I’m way worse than that”. If you or somebody you love is autistic, or you just want to understand what autistic people go through, I’d thoroughly recommend this book.